Fitcher’s Bird

Three sisters live in a cottage in the woods. Despite their’ best efforts (Dee keeps bees, Yona takes in laundry, and Retta shoes horses), they live in poverty. A bejeweled passerby stops by one day and asks for Retta’s hand. Dazzled by his wealth, Retta agrees, and disappears with the man. Weeks go by, and letters to her go unanswered. A second, glamorous passerby stops by, and Yona is wooed and spirited away. A third passerby stops by, and the scene is repeated once last time with Dee. He brings her to a mansion, entrusts her with a mysterious egg, and gives her a key to a room she must not open. The man is kind. He does good impressions. He might be a magician.

As preparations for the wedding begin, Dee’s bees search the countryside for her.

While the man is out, Dee opens the forbidden door. It leads to a room with disguises hanging on the wall and a pool full of chopped-up women. The heads of her two sisters float with the rest.

What to do? Can Dee, using only her wits and her nerve, revive the women and out-murder the murderer? Do Dee’s bees finally find her? And what’s hiding in that mysterious egg?

Created by Jess Wright Buha, Aileen Wen McGroddy (director) and Ashley Frith (music)

Genre: drama/comedy

Length: One act, 85 minutes

Cast: six actors + three musicians

Set: various

For licensing info, contact Jess here.

Dee:​ Retta, I gotta get you back together.

(Dee squishes Retta’s leg onto her body. Retta squirms.)

Dee:​ Don’t squirm!

Retta:​ It itches so bad.

(Retta’s leg falls off.)

Dee:​ Ah, your leg fell off.

Retta:​ It’s not gonna stay on just by squishing it.

Dee:​ Not if you’re acting like your skirt’s on fire.

Retta:​ Sew it on.

Dee:​ I aint got no thread—STOP FLOPPING AROUND.

Retta:​ Get my leg back on!

(Dee tries to squish Retta’s leg back on.)

Dee:​ It ain’t sticking, ahh—ahh... uh...

(Dee rummages around in her pack.)

Dee:​ Ah!

(DEE gets out the jar of honey.)

Dee:​ All right, let’s stick you together.

Retta:​ Don’t you stick me together with honey.

Dee:​ I’ll stick your mouth shut next.

Retta:​ I’m gonna attract flies.

Dee:​ Not like you would all dead and chopped up. Now you’re extra sweet.

Productions
Staged reading December 2019, Brown University, Providence, RI

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